Post Homecoming  Book Tags & Missing Moments
by Jade-Max
Summary: Stand alone tags or 'missing scenes' between John and Teyla I wanted to see. A few other characters make appearances. All genres - or will be. Rating may change later. Marked as complete, but more Vignettes to come later.
1. In Context

**Disclaimer:** It's Brad Wright, Robert C. Cooper and MGM's sandbox, I'm simply destroying the sandcastles

August 2011

**Title:** In Context

**Author: **Jade-Max

**Timeframe:** Post Season 5, _Legacy_ Book series, post _The Lost. _References to _Conversion_ and _Doppleganger_ and others in Season 4 and the Legacy books I (_Homecoming_) and II (_The Lost_)

**Genre:** Missing Moment / fluff

**Characters: **John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan, Torren Emmagan

**Summary:** Even the most innocent of actions can be otherwise in the right context.

**Author's Note:** First Atlantis fic; it took the books to get me inspired; go figure!

**In Context**

"Teyla? Are you done with- Teyla?" When there was no response to his query and John frowned, looking up from his finished mission report, only to spy her in the other room.

Bent over Torren's playpen thing, she was tucking a blanket around him, a smile playing about her lips. It made John's frown disappear to see her like that, even as it made his chest ache. Torren, for all the little boy called him 'Da', was not his son.

They were attempting to relax in her quarters after another fruitless day of searching for Rodney, finishing their mission reports and spending time with Torren now that he was back from New Athos and his time with Kanaan. Time, they'd discovered, that hadn't gone as well as Kanaan had hoped. After such a long absence, Torren's bond with his father by birth was slow mend. The little boy was obviously both relieved and glad to be back with his Mother and 'Da' on Atlantis.

As if sensing his gaze, Teyla's lifted to meet it - and her smile faded. Casting one last look at her son, she came back into the main room as he placed his tablet on her coffee table. "Is something the matter, John?"

Extending his arm in silent invitation, he was grateful when she accepted. Taking his hand in one of hers, she seated herself next to him. Teyla left enough room so she didn't lose sight of his face, but angled her legs so their knees touched.

A new, but crucial, difference in their complex relationship. A relationship that hadn't moved beyond anything platonic but was more rewarding for the care they were taking in this new phase. They'd never been closer.

She studied him in silence for a long moment. "You are not thinking pleasant thoughts." It wasn't a question

"I'm thinking about a lot of things," he hedged, his gaze going unconsciously back to the other room.

"About Torren?"

"Among others."

Teyla said nothing, but there was a look on her face he knew well as he caught it from the corner of his eye. She didn't have to say anything; all she needed to do was wait him out. And she would, he knew. For all he disliked speaking about some things, Teyla could draw him out with silence better than anyone could with words.

He brought his gaze back to her before dropping it to their intertwined fingers. He hadn't really noticed until that moment she hadn't let them go and they rested easily high on one of her thighs.

The silence continued as John ran his thumb over the back of her hand and down the length of her fingers. She held such strength for such a tiny package, well able to mop the floor with him any day of the week - even when injured; as she's proven less than two weeks ago.

Two weeks of pain; of revelations.

Revelations like...

Rodney having been captured - and still in Wraith hands - but now a Wraith himself thanks to their tinkering with Carson Beckett's retro virus research and tweaking it for their own use.

Teyla's admission that she and Kanaan were not married and never had been - and Kanaan having asked to be released from the relationship that had given her Torren.

Teyla pinning him - not unlike he'd once done to her while under the influence of the retro virus himself three and a half years ago - while in the gym and kissing him soundly. _That_ had really thrown him for a loop. He couldn't count the number of times he'd relived that kiss in his dreams, not to mention the agony of his apology when she'd told him to give it no further thought.

Staring down at their hands, he realized it had hung between them - apology or not - and made things tense for some time until he'd been able to look at her without thinking of just how _good_ her lips had felt beneath his. Fortunately, Teyla had never really held it against him, believing his uncharacteristic actions to be a part of the physical transformation he'd been undergoing.

She squeezed his fingers, subtly reminding him that she was still waiting for an explanation.

"It's none of my business," he finally hedged uncomfortably.

She arched her eyebrows, but said nothing; simply continued to watch him with a faintly knowing smile. This, she knew well, wouldn't prevent him from asking his question.

John, to her amusement, continued to hedge.

"You'll probably want to wipe the floor with me again once I ask this - and I'm okay with that," he hastily assured her, lest she think he was complaining. "I'll deserve it."

Teyla placed her free hand over his, stopping the motion of his thumb across the back of her hand and hiding it between both of hers.

John went quiet again for a long moment before finally letting out a sigh, turning miserable eyes to hers. "I did the math, Teyla."

"The... math."

It was an Earth expression she'd not yet heard and, for all it wasn't really a question, it was too.

John's gaze drifted deliberately back to where Torren was sleeping before returning to hers and he waited, not explaining. Following the path of his gaze, Teyla's brow furrowed. What did Torren have to do with the strange saying... understanding dawned after a moment when she followed his train of thought.

Ah.

_That_ math.

She didn't ask why; he would clarify when he was ready. Instead she shifted in her seat, drawing one leg up beneath her and watching with some amusement when John's gaze dropped to follow the nearly bare appendage. Ever since her advance in the gym a couple of weeks ago, their relationship had shifted. It was deeper, closer than it had ever been, and she was grateful she'd taken the chance she had when she'd told him about Kanaan.

"I remember the festival that was held a couple of days after Heightmeyer's funeral," he said at last, his words stilted, awkward. "It's the only time I remember you going off world to be with your people that fits."

"Fits?"

"You know; alone?"

What he really meant was; _without him_. Teyla offered him a gentle smile and there was no censure in her tone when she realized what he was asking. "You are asking when and why I turned to Kanaan."

He shrugged, uncomfortable, and looked away. "I _told_ you it was none of my business."

Reaching up, she placed one hand along the side of his face and drew it back to her, taking in the character of his visage in the same way she'd been doing since their first meeting. She'd never tire, she'd quickly realized all those years back, of looking at him. Her thumb caressed his cheek, an echo of his on her hand.

"You know me well enough to know I would not answer if I did not think it warranted one," she replied, keeping her tone even to ensure he wouldn't be more uncomfortable than he already was.

"Yeah... I know... I... You know I'm no good at this. Just forget it."

"When it is obviously bothering you?" She shook her head once. "Ask what you wish, John. I will answer you as best I can."

He stared at her and she met his gaze squarely, knowing he'd be able to see the sincerity in her eyes. John had always been able to read her better than anyone she'd ever known, bar none. It took some long moments of his gaze searching hers before his shoulders sagged a little, an indication of the tension having drained from them - partially - even if he was not fully comfortable with his own question. The fact she'd been intimate with another man and born him a child did not sit well, for all he would not judge her, with the man she'd claimed as her mate.

If he realized it or not.

His free hand snuck up to cup hers, not letting her draw it away from his face, and their fingers locked there, too. She wasn't even certain it was a conscious action on his part, but she was well aware of the roughened skin on hers; of the thrill it gave her no matter the context in which he chose to touch her. Seeing he was struggling, she decided to have mercy on him and instead broached the subject herself.

"You remember the events surrounding Kate's death." It wasn't a question and she could see the way his eyes flared with remembered guilt. It sidetracked her momentarily. "It was not your fault, John."

"If I hadn't touched-"

"You did," she cut him off gently with a shake of her head. "There is no changing that now. It could have easily been myself or Rodney or even Ronan who touched the crystal. It is done; do not dwell."

"Kinda hard not to when the damn thing was wearing my face."

"It is in the past," she reassured him calmly. "I only bring it up now because of the relevance to this topic."

"I'm sorry I asked."

"John."

He flashed her a weak smile, but didn't pursue the line of thought.

Teyla continued her explanation, her hand slipping from his cheek, but remaining locked with his as it dropped to her lap to join the others. "I had grown very close to Kate Heightmeyer. I counted her among my Lantean family and to lose her in such a fashion was... difficult for me to bear. My people understand grief, it is a part of who we are and one we cannot avoid with the reality that is the Wraith, but this was different."

John, didn't interrupt, but she could see the remembered pain in his gaze.

"Do you remember when I came to your quarters?"

He swallowed hard, nodding.

"Do you remember what I did when you opened the door?"

"You hugged me."

She inclined her head a fraction. "Did that not seem... odd to you?"

At the time, when he'd been about to go to her quarters to offer her the same, he hadn't thought so. Looking back now he realized that it had been one of the first times - the first time? - that Teyla had ever hugged him. But not, he realized, the first time she'd turned to him for comfort.

"At the time, no."

"And now?"

John thought about it and then shook his head. "I don't think you'd ever hugged me before that. Not even when we returned from Earth after the Ancients were destroyed."

"I had not." She smiled faintly and then corrected herself. "At least, not when we were both in good physical condition."

They shared a small smile, the years of experiences between them; on more than one occasion she'd held him while he'd been injured and vice versa. It was not, he knew, anything more than necessity at the time and nothing like the hug she'd lain on him. The desperation in her grip that day had been something he'd been uncomfortable with; something he'd not been sure how to respond to except reciprocate.

Teyla wasn't really a hugger; it was more an Earth-thing.

It dawned on him at that moment that hugging might actually mean something different to her people, which is why she didn't hug. His question must have been in his gaze because her lips curved even further.

"You see where I am going with this."

"Wait... are you trying to tell me that you... you came to my quarters for... that you...?" 

She laughed softly and did something very un-Teyla; she blushed. That didn't prevent her, however, from affirming his suspicion. "As you are aware, physical contact between the adults of my people have very different meanings than yours. Our greeting," she tilted her head to him, which he returned automatically, their foreheads touching even as her hands released his, sliding upwards along his arms to grip his biceps. Their eyes, however, remained locked as she repeated herself. "Our greeting, as you know, is a gesture of respect and affection. Traditionally, it is the closest men and women physically get."

"Then why..."

"I was hurting and I turned to you for comfort. You are so very respectful of the traditions of my people, it is sometimes difficult to remember that you are not one of them."

A compliment if he'd ever heard one. There were no people Teyla held in higher esteem.

"It did not occur to me until you did nothing but hold me that you did not understand what I was asking... and I had no desire to make you more uncomfortable than you already were." Her blush receded and she pulled her forehead away from his. "I am... grateful for your presence that night. For your company; but I truly desired it in another fashion. You did not appear to wish the same and so I left."

"Grief makes people do crazy things," he allowed reluctantly. "I would never take advantage of it - of _you_ - that way."

"Shared grief often leads to healing. Among my people it is not uncommon to assuage that grief by a reminder of life."

It was not what he'd been expecting despite the fact he'd understood what she was saying. "Does this happen often?"

She smiled faintly, but shook her head. "Strong grief is powerful and creates as much as it destroys. We Athosians choose to embrace that grief by embracing one another. I chose you; but could not, in my grief, understand why you turned me away."

"After everything that had happened..." John shook his head. "It would have been wrong for me to, Teyla."

"Among your people perhaps," she conceded, knowing their traditions varied greatly on this point. "I did not realize this until much later."

"Is that why you suddenly began hugging me?"

She laughed softly at his random question, knowing it was more to diffuse the tension. "Perhaps. I know you are not comfortable with public displays of affection, John, but there are times when the traditions of your culture far better express my gratitude than my own."

"So... hugs?"

Nodding, she squeezed his fingers. "Once I understood you would not take them as an invitation, no matter how much I had desired otherwise, I could not deny myself the comfort of your embrace."

They sat in silence for a long minute before John finally looked away, towards where Torren was still sleeping peacefully, unable to see the toddler but well able to picture him in his mind's eye. "So... Kanaan."

"Yes." Her fingers tightened on his, but he didn't look away from the other room. "When I returned for the festival, I could still hear Kate's deathsong and desired to feel alive. Kanaan and I had always been close we simply became... closer in sharing our grief."

Now that she'd begun this story, her gaze on his face, she knew she should have told him sooner. Rodney had been right; John had deserved to know and, as he'd proven, he wouldn't judge her for it. He understood, even if he didn't particularly like it.

"Torren, as I told you, was an unexpected blessing. And unlikely; we were only together the once."

"Once," John returned softly, still not looking at her, "is all that it takes."

"John."

It was the way she said his name that finally drew his gaze back to hers.

She read everything there that she'd expected to find. John, she'd known for some time, held strong feelings towards her. Feeling that remained unsaid thanks to his past hurts, but were expressed in everything he did, in everything he had done, to ensure her safety. That he would do, and continued to do, the same for the rest of their team only proved to her what he'd once told her. They were his family; a family that now extended to include her son simply because he _was_ her son.

A son, she saw him realize, that could have been - had he understood and accepted her unspoken invitation - his.

The pain in his gaze twisted within her and she shifted closer. "Do not dwell," she repeated sagely. "Kanaan may have helped create Torren, but he does not see Kanaan as his father."

"Thanks to our little side trip to Earth."

"It played a part, yes, but I suspect if we had not left this galaxy, Torren would still be more yours than his."

"He's not mine."

Teyla laughed, but did so softly, her amusement plain. "You have not noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

"The looks?" She cocked her head, studying him, and realized he hadn't. "You truly have not."

"What looks?"

"Have you truly not noticed that you are as much his parent as I, John? Or have you simply justified the extended amount of time you spend with him as part of our friendship?" She didn't need an answer to know it was the latter; it was written plainly in the shock on his face. Leaning in close, she let him see the sincerity in her gaze so he couldn't doubt her next words. "In every way that matters, you are his father. Torren listens to you. He respects you. He cares for you as I do."

And, as often happened when there was much to say, he simply stared at her, unable to voice the many thoughts and feelings that flashed through his unguarded gaze. He didn't need to voice them, for she had learned him well this past half decade and she didn't need the words. Not when his actions, intentional or not, spoke so clearly.

Leaning in, she freed her hands and cupped his face between them. "I spoke no vows with Kanaan, John; nothing beyond the agreement to share our time with Torren. He and I were friends once; I hope to be friends again. Nothing more."

"And... the training room?"

"Once, many years ago, we shared a similar encounter in the training room; do you remember?"

"It's been hard to forget."

Unable to resist lightening the mood for his sake, she slid her hands down to his shoulders and arched an eyebrow, aware he would know she was teasing even as the words left her lips. "I believe I told you to give it no further thought, Colonel."

He laughed, the tension in his shoulders releasing fractionally. "Sorry, I couldn't help it."

"Nor I." Her lips curved. "It set a standard none have met."

"Except Kanaan."

"Not even Kanaan."

It was a revelation that made _his_ eyebrows hit his hairline. "It didn't creep you out I was mutating into a bug?"

She laughed, shaking her head. "We did not know at the time you were mutating... and it was a very stimulating, if confusing, encounter."

"That's good for my ego if nothing else."

"And the fact it is only _your_ name I call when I am in danger and hear P90 fire coming to my rescue is not?"

He blinked. "I hadn't noticed."

"Nor did I until Jennifer mentioned it," she smiled faintly. "When you found us after my people had first been taken, it was _you _I called for when I heard P90 fire." She didn't need to explain; he'd read her mission report. "When Michael held me and it was Carson who came to my rescue, it was _you_ I called for - just as it was _your _name I called when you came for me on Michael's ship."

"I was just glad to hear your voice," he admitted.

Hearing what he wasn't saying, she brought them back to the heart of the matter. "Where Kanaan and I were once friends who shared an intimate encounter, you and I have ever been only friends. I find I require more from you, John Sheppard."

"More?" His gaze had turned hopefully guarded. "How much more?"

Sliding her hands down over his arms, she heard Torren stir in the next room and offered him a teasing smile, knowing their time alone was about to be cut short. "How much do you offer?"

It was the right thing to say and they shared a smile before John, to her surprise, drew her into his arms and - after a moment's hesitation - onto his lap. His lips brushed against her cheek affectionately, caressing the corner of her mouth, and Teyla turned her face to his. Their lips met properly, a soft kiss unlike the other two they'd shared, and it was his turn to cup her cheek as her eyes drifted open upon their parting.

That kiss, she felt strongly, had been an acknowledgement of where they'd been and where they had yet to go.

"Torren's awake," he told her, regret clear in his eyes as he set her away and got to his feet; Torren's soft cries could be heard from the next room. Nothing urgent, but nothing they could ignore. She made to move but he held out one hand, stopping her. "I've got this."

It always pleased her when John took it upon himself to see to her son and this time was no different. Torren, for his part, loved and idolized the man who had been the main father figure in his life for as long as he could remember. Unable to resist teasing him, she leaned back on the couch, waiting until he had moved towards her room. "Was that my answer?"

John paused in the doorway, Torren's cry already having subsided upon seeing him, and turned his gaze back to Teyla's. "No."

"Da!"

With a wink in her direction, he turned to her son and Teyla simply watched, enjoying the way they interacted. John's voice was a soothing murmur as he lifted Torren from his enclosure - he called it a 'playpen' - and hugged him. Torren, for his part, latched onto John, curling against his chest with one hand on his ear. Her child was confident in his belief that John Sheppard could banish all his nightmares.

Her lips curved as John paced back into the room. Torren lay easily against his muscled chest, finding as much comfort in his embrace as she did.

Their eyes locked and she read everything there he couldn't say, didn't know how to say, and she extended her arm in a silent invitation for him to join her, an echo of how this conversation had begun. He grinned, seeing it for what it was, and took her hand as he settled back to the couch.

Teyla moved to him, settling against his side and resting her head against his shoulder as she placed her hand on his arm, wrapping the once again sleeping Torren between them. No further words were spoken, but none were needed.

With his actions, Teyla suspected his answer had been premature.

Despite what they'd discussed, he'd gone to Torren the moment he'd stirred, taking an active role as a parent regardless of what he otherwise thought. And, in doing so, he'd only affirmed what she'd known for a long, long time. John Sheppard would ever be the one to give her his all; but with actions, not words.

Sometimes, she decided with a contented smile, words were overrated.

_fin_


	2. Awkward

**Disclaimer:** It's Brad Wright, Robert C. Cooper and MGM's sandbox, I'm simply destroying the sandcastles

August 2011

**Title:** Awkward

**Author: **Jade-Max

**Timeframe:** Post Season 5, _Legacy_ Book series, post _The Lost. _References to The Legacy books I (_Homecoming_) and II (_The Lost_)

**Genre:** Family fic

**Characters: **John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan, Torren Emmagan, Kanaan

**Summary:** Kanaan and Torren return to the city to return Torren to his mother after a two week visit with his father...

**Awkward**

Teyla Emmagan glanced up at where John Sheppard stood on the platform overlooking the gate room and speaking with Radak Zalenka before turning her attention back to the gate. Kanaan was scheduled to bring Torren back today, around mid day, and she was anxiously awaiting them.

It was almost that time.

The last time he'd been on New Athos, the Wraith had taken Rodney; she wouldn't feel right until her son was back in her arms. Not that she didn't trust Kanaan to keep Torren safe, but on Atlantis she _knew_ he was safe. Safe from culling; safe from the Wraith. It wasn't that Atlantis couldn't be, or hadn't been attacked it was simply that... that... It was simply that Atlantis was home and she always felt better with her son under its roof.

"Keep pacing and you'll wear a hole in the gate room floor."

She flashed a faint smile Sheppard's way at his teasing and halted her course. She wasn't a pacer by nature but ever since she'd had Torren and needed to walk him to sleep, she'd found it was as soothing on her nerves as his. Stopping on the stairway a few feet to the side and below where John now had his hands spread on the rail, a smile turned her way, and she cocked her head at him. Her return smile was as teasing as his comment had been.

"You have missed him as much as I."

To which he smiled, making to respond, only to be cut off when the chevrons on the Stargate began to light up.

"Offworld activation, sir!"

The shield flared to life as the wormhole engaged, the shimmering pool coalescing without incident as the event horizon shimmered and shone, giving off the familiar blue glow.

Turning his head, Sheppard glanced towards the controller. His question was almost bored, but there was a tension in his shoulders that always accompanied a gate activation. There was no guarentee it was who they were expecting. "IDC?"

There was a pause before an answer. "New Athos sir; Kanaan's requesting permission to enter the city."

John's hands tightened on the rail and he nodded. The force field dropped and, several moments later, Kanaan stood in the gate room with Torren in his arms. Sheppard took a moment to study them as Teyla moved forward, a smile on her face; and then Torren caught sight of her, his youthful exhuberance easily reaching John where he stood on the platform.

"Momma! Momma!"

She laughed, reaching out to her son as he reached for her, and plucking him from Kanaan's grip. Hugging her baby tightly, she kissed his cheek before turning her gaze to the boy's father. Her smile dimmed a little, but she stepped in, placing one hand on Kanaan's shoulder, and tilting her head forward in the traditional Athosian greeting. It was immediately returned, along with a strained smile.

"Welcome to Atlantis, Kanaan."

"It is always an honor to be welcomed to the city of the Ancestors," he replied softly, his gaze leaving hers and going back to Torren.

Torren had caught a lock of Teyla's hair and was now chewing on it as his wide eyes scanned the room expectantly. Teyla opened her mouth to respond to Kanaan when Torren suddenly stiffened in her arms, drawing her attention, a huge smile crossing his face as he reached across her towards the viewing platform. A squeal of delight passed his lips.

_"Da!"_

The silence that followed the excited demand was deafening for the few seconds it lasted, not even the sound of the wormhole disengaging filling it. Teyla stared at her son, wide-eyed, before her gaze shot to the man he'd called for. In passing, she saw the shock and hurt ripple across Kanaan's expression.

Torren, seemingly unaware of tension his delight had caused in the room, clapped his hands together, nearly striking his mother in the process, and then extended his arm towards John again. "Da!"

"Hey buddy," Sheppard's tone was jovial, if forced. "Welcome home."

The boy frowned, tugging on his mother's hair with one hand and reaching for John with the other as his tone turned demanding. "Da; hug!"

Glancing down at Teyla and the stony look on Kanaan's face as he'd followed Torren's gaze, John wondered why he'd ever thought it would be a good idea to be here. Yes, he'd missed Torren, but seeing Teyla in the arms of the man who'd fathered him had John itching to tear her - to tear _them_ - away. No matter that she'd already released the man and was technically - unspokenly - his; not to mention he'd never been able to get Torren to _stop_ calling him Da no matter what he said. Not that he minded.

Normally.

Now... now it would cause complications for Teyla as she tried to re-forge her friendship with Kanaan around the little boy that tied them together. He exhaled softly, knowing he had to say something. "Your mom wants to spend time with you first, buddy," he told the toddler, aware that all eyes were on this little scene. The gossip mill would be running full bore on this for days. "And I'm working right now."

"No, _now_!"

"Torren!"

Teyla's sharp and sudden admonition made the boy's face fall and he sniffled, looking up at her with luminescent eyes which suddenly swam with confused tears. "Why no hug Da, Momma?"

Her expression softened. "Colonel Sheppard is working, Torren. When he is done he will come hug you."

"Da no miss me?" For a young child, he had a surprisingly good grasp on quite a few words even as tears slipped down his cheeks. "No hug?"

Teyla glanced helplessly up at John , who closed his eyes for a moment.

Well crap; no getting out of it if he didn't want to seem like a complete monster. For he knew there was no reasoning with a child as young as Torren; he would see the lack of a hug as a lack of affection. It was the last thing John ever wanted the boy to think. Not when he'd grown up thinking just that about his own father. Not that he was Torren's father; just his friend, but the kid wouldn't understand the distinction yet.

With a silent sigh, John turned from the platform and crossed the few feet to the stairs. Kanaan was still glaring at him, but it was the relief in Teyla's gaze that drew him. And, if he was honest with himself, he'd rather have been on the ground with her to greet the tyke in the first place. Standing back wasn't his thing; especially when he'd missed Torren as much as the boy appeared to have missed him.

It was quite the novel feeling for a man who'd never spent much time with kids or given them much thought.

Torren, who'd been focused on his mother, caught sight of Sheppard approaching and his tears dried, his smile back. One arm extended part way and then stopped, almost uncertainly. "Hug?"

"Hug," John confirmed, plucking the boy from Teyla's arms; she made no move to stop him.

Torren threw his arms enthusiastically about John's neck and squeezed as hard as he could as he buried his face between John's neck and his own arm. His momentary hesitation was all but forgotten. "Miss you!"

"Missed you too, buddy. Did you have a good time?"

"No Momma; no Da," he complained, but there was laughter in his face and the smile that lit his face was slightly shy as he looked towards Kanaan, his face still tucked close to Sheppard's neck and his own arm. John was barely able to see it from the corner of his eye. "Big 'Nan."

"I'll take that as a yes." Glancing up to where Teyla stood watching him with an obviously irate Kanaan, John lifted the boy and drew him away from his neck so he could look the toddler in the eyes even as he set him on his hip. Without thinking, he lifted one hand to gently wipe away his tears. "I have to get back to work, buddy. You gonna be okay with your mom and..." he really should call Kanaan the boy's father but, at that moment, he found he couldn't do it. "Kanaan?"

"See soon?"

"I promise."

"Okay then."

It was such a Teyla thing - words, inflections, everything - it made John grin. Handing the boy back to Teyla, he couldn't resist ruffling Torren's hair before stepping away. "Bye buddy."

"Bye bye!"

Sheppard returned to his post as Torren took his mother's hair back in his fist, gripping her neck with the other hand, and was content to be carried. Kanaan walked with them, exchanging looks with Teyla, but her sharp tone went over Torren's head when she strictly told Kanaan that this was neither the place nor time for a discussion.

Teyla took them directly back to her quarters where she placed Torren on the ground inside what John like to call his 'play pen'. Torren let out a squeal of delight upon rediscovering his giant stuffed frog, and grabbed it tightly, babbling in half formed sentences about everything he'd done while he'd been with Kanaan. He didn't notice, and wouldn't for some time as his mother and father stepped into the other room, to begin speaking in hushed whispers.

The first was a pained accusation. "Colonel Sheppard, Teyla?"

"He is my friend and has been most helpful," she returned tightly. "I would not have managed so well with Torren on Earth if he had not been there. Torren is very attached to him."

"So I see."

"You have asked me to release you and I have, Kanaan; you have no say as to with whom I spend my time."

"Even if I did, it would not matter as you are on his gate team!"

"You are hurt," she returned evenly. "I will forget you said that."

Kanaan exhaled and bowed his head, struggling for control. What he'd seen and the emotional sting of betrayal had been the initial reaction; one borne of resentment and hurt and the fact he'd not seen Torren for more than six months while believing him to be dead.

Pacing away from Teyla, he turned to the window in her quarters and looked out across the city, grateful when she didn't follow, struggling to sort through what he'd seen and heard. Teyla watched him in silence, aware he needed the time and giving it to him.

It was many long minutes before he was able to control himself and full examine what he'd seen and heard. Digesting it, reviewing it in his mind's eye, he took his time to analyze the situation and why they'd affected him so strongly. He was not proud, he admitted some moments later, of his initial reaction.

Turning back to Teyla, he met her gaze squarely, more than ever appreciative of the fact she knew when silence was necessary. "Forgive me; you are correct. I was simply... hurt when Torren addressed Colonel Sheppard as his..."

"His father?"

Kanaan inclined his head.

"John has been the primary male influence in Torren's life through no fault of your own, Kanaan. If our son was to have a role model, was it not best to be one who can teach him compassion as well as survival?" She arched one eyebrow, seeming to follow his train of thought. "You were not there, Kanaan and Colonel Sheppard has ever been there for me, even from the first."

They both knew it to be true.

"And now that I am here?"

"I will not deny our son the friends he has made. To do so would be cruel."

Kanaan inclined his head in agreement; both wanted what was best for the boy.

"I would see him given every opportunity to choose his own path, including a chance to someday go among the stars as I do."

"He may wish to return to New Athos for a quieter life."

"Yes," though she secretly doubted it. Torren was far too taken in what she and John did for a living. Not that he really understood it yet, but he would. "It is possible. And while I would mourn the loss of his company, I would never forbid it."

"And you believe I would." Kanaan shook his head. "That is not my concern."

"No; your _concern_," she returned softly, watching his expression, "is that Torren, your son, does not see you as his father."

There was no doubting that this was the key issue and Teyla voiced it with a conviction that made him flinch. She'd ever been able to see through to the heart of a matter and in this case, it was no great effort. Kanaan's reactions, for such a private man, had been extreme.

Teyla search his face and then shook her head. "If I had left him with you when Atlantis went to Earth, would I not be facing the same situation you are now? Being forced to get to know my son, and he me, so he would call me mother?"

Kanaan conceded this after a moment and a brief nod.

"He is _safe_ Kanaan; that he has the opportunity to know you is what matters. He will know you are his father; I will not deny you."

"And you and Colonel Sheppard?" His expression had changed, softening, and in it she saw the remnants of the man who'd once been a dear friend; a friend she'd not seen since his departure from Atlantis.

"We..." she hesitated. "It is complicated."

"Complicated is not always worth the fight."

"This is," Teyla exhaled; it was the closest she'd yet come to admitting her feeling for John Sheppard. Like John, she preferred to let her actions in this matter speak for her. It was what they both understood best. "Do not worry for me, Kanaan. I am in good hands."

Kanaan exhaled a long breath. "As is Torren, or so you mean. I have no wish to see you hurt, Teyla."

"If Colonel Sheppard was going to abandon me, Kanaan, he had plenty of opportunity to do so while I was Michael's prisoner. He did not. He has not. It is not the first time he has come for me or the others on our team. He will always come for us, just as we will always come for him. He is our family just as we are his. Torren is a part of that family."

"And I am not."

"By extension you are," she corrected. "John could have left you on Michael's hive; he saved you because I asked it. He is a good man, Kanaan."

That appeared to make the Athosian think but, instead, he latched onto the one thing that interested him the most. He'd never heard her call Colonel Sheppard anything but his rank. "John?"

She smiled softly. "I have leave to use his given name and, as you suspect, our relationship is no longer simply professional; it has not been for some time."

"Did this occur on Earth?"

"It is not as you are thinking. We are friends; family."

"You wish more."

"I have more – and I do not."

Kanaan's eyebrows arched, but there was no jealousy, simply acceptance in his gaze. Teyla and he were not to be no matter that they'd had a child together. "You could do worse in your choice of husband."

"He has not asked."

_Not yet,_ Kanaan smiled faintly. There was no mistaking there had been a shift between the couple. One he couldn't exactly place his finger on, but it was subtle, as if a wall had broken. They were no longer trying to completely conceal the attraction. "I have long suspected there was someone on Atlantis to whom you had become bonded. I did not think it to be Colonel Sheppard."

She inclined her head, accepting the compliment for what it was worth; she'd done well to hide her attraction and subsequent fall for her commanding officer. "Torren will see much of him, Kanaan; we spend a good deal of time together and... Torren adores him."

"I had noticed." His dry response made her smile and he took a minute to regroup. Digesting all he had heard, Kanaan finally nodded, placing his hands on her shoulders and tilting his head to hers, touching her forehead with his own. "If our son is to have more than one father, I cannot ask for a better mate for you, or protectors for him. Be happy Teyla; it is all I have ever wanted for you."

"I am." She placed her hands on his arms in acceptance, her heart lifting with his words. "Rest assured, Kanaan; Torren will know you. I swear it."

Stepping back, he released her, looking beyond to where Torren was still babbling to his toy. "It is good he is back with his mother. Will you be returning to New Athos soon?"

Her expression closed. Rodney was still out there somewhere and her concentration and efforts must go to finding him, his capture and eventual rehabilitation. It would take time, considerable time, and she couldn't afford to make promises she knew she might have to break. Kanaan and Torren deserved better.

Kanaan must have read something in her face for he nodded, once. "Then I will return soon to see Torren – and you if you are here."

"I look forward to your next visit." And, since his decision to depart from Atlantis, it was the first time she'd said the words where she had truly meant them.

"As do I." He smiled faintly. "Have you an objection if I speak with Colonel Sheppard before I depart?"

"You are aware of the boundaries of our friendship, Kanaan; I trust you to adhere to them."

He inclined his head. "I could do no less. With your permission?"

"You have it."

Kanaan took a moment to say his goodbyes to his son before taking his leave. Teyla remained, collecting Torren from his 'play pen' - a name she knew she'd end up adopting despite the Athosian design - before making her decision and heading for the door.

"Where Da, Momma?"

"Colonel Sheppard is working, Torren," she reminded him. "I thought we might visit the infirmary and have Jennifer examine you."

"Jen!"

She chuckled. "Yes, Jen."

Torren clapped his hands together with delight as she carried him into the hallway and then set him on his feet when he promptly demanded, "Down!"

Keeping his hands in hers, Teyla adjusted her pace to that of her son and, together, they headed for the infirmary, Torren walking delightedly with her assistance.

* * *

><p>Back in the control room, Sheppard had retreated from the main area and out onto the balcony despite the snow. Few people wanted to brave the cold and cold had never bothered him. Still, as a nod to the fact he couldn't afford frost bite or a cold, he did zip up his jacket.<p>

The sound of the door opening brought his head around and he was surprised to see Teyla's Athosian mate. _Former_ mate. She and Kanaan were now just friends again. He wasn't exactly sure how he felt about that, other than he disliked it intensely, but it was a part of their culture and he'd always tried to make allowances for it. It wasn't easy, but he knew she appreciated the effort.

"Colonel Sheppard," Kanaan looked about but didn't enter the balcony. "May I have a word with you?"

He'd been dreading this. "Sure; come on out. It's a beautiful day."

The Athosian farmer took a moment as he stepped outside to view the surrounding area. The chill, the show – all of it so different from Athos and New Athos; snow had not been unheard of, but it was not generally associated with beauty.

"You and I have different degrees of beautiful," Kanaan told him dryly as he joined Sheppard at the rail.

He said nothing for a long minute, but John knew what this had to be about and beat him to the punch. "I'm sorry about the scene in the gate room; I've been trying to get Torren to call me John, but he's stubborn."

"Like his mother." Kanaan slanted Sheppard a look. "I... have had some time to think. I have spoken with Teyla about this."

Which had to have been a hell of a chat since they'd been gone the better part of an hour and a half; Sheppard leaned forward on the rail, looking across the icy waters.

"And?"

Kanaan turned to face him completely, his words soft and serious. "Teyla has said that you consider Torren as family."

Uncomfortable, Sheppard straightened, curving his fingers around the rail much as he had an hour earlier when Kanaan had first arrived. He said nothing for a moment, unable to look at the other man. Teyla knew it to be true and, despite the awkwardness of this discussion, he was able to admit to himself that she hadn't exactly been out of line telling Kanaan if it would put his mind at ease.

It just made things… uncomfortable.

"Yeah. So?"

"It is my understanding that not many men of your world would take such an interest in a child that is not their own." Sheppard felt Kanaan searching his expression, but knew he'd find nothing. In fact, he said nothing as Kanaan continued. "I am... grateful that you have been, and continue to be, such a positive influence in his life."

It wasn't what Sheppard was expecting. "I just gave Teyla a hand; anything good he is has comes from her."

"Children, Colonel, do not lie." Kanaan cracked a faint, surprising smile. "Torren would not be so delighted in your presence if you do not spend a great deal of time with him."

"Yeah well... he's Teyla's kid."

That, Kanaan knew, said everything he needed to know. "On New Athos, Torren would be raised by a community, much like he is being raised here. His parents, Teyla and I, would have responsibilities to oversee and others would contribute to his care. Some, like yourself, would take a more active interest and it is to these that the children gravitate."

"Don't make it out to be all self sacrificing," Sheppard protested, finally looking at Kanaan. "I just pitch in when she's otherwise occupied. All of us do."

"But you more than most or Torren would not have looked for you upon his return." That made Sheppard look away again and Kanaan shook his head. "What I am trying to say, Colonel, is that I do not mind what my son calls you. So long as I get the chance to know him, and he, me."

There was a heartbeat of silence.

"Huh?"

"You have always been known as a good friend to our people, but your support of Teyla and Torren when they were so far from home makes you family. Torren and Teyla already consider you so; who am I to dispute it?"

Arching his eyebrows, Sheppard finally turned fully to Kanaan, but the other man was already inclining his head respectfully, and turning to go. Apparently he was as uncomfortable with this line of discussion as Sheppard was. "I take my leave of Atlantis, brother, with the reassurance that they can be in no better hands."

Floored, John stared after Kanaan dumbly, trying to process what he'd just been told. It took a full minute - by which time the gate to New Athos had been dialed and Kanaan was passing through it - before he was able to really digest the conversation.

Brother.

Family.

To _Kanaan_.

Shaking his head to clear it, he wondered if he'd been hallucinating from the cold and stepped back into the building.

Whatever Teyla and Kanaan had talked about, the man's mood had done a completely reversal from when Torren had called to him initially. Had it been real? Real or not, he took his leave of the gateroom, deciding to search out Teyla and Torren. With the tyke back on Atlantis, his private time with Teyla was going to be cut, but John found he didn't really mind.

In fact, now that Torren was back, a weight seemed to have been lifted from his shoulders. Torren was back safely, now all he had to do was find Rodney and bring him home to be treated and all would be well with his world. He was looking forward to that day.

_fin_


End file.
